Trust is the cornerstone of every good relationship. And yet, it’s something we often take for granted. We assume that our partner won’t do anything to jeopardize what we have, but sometimes life intervenes and trust is broken.
It can be hard to admit you are at a point where your marriage needs help. And you need to do immediate actions to fix your marriage and repair the trust between you and your spouse.
Fortunately, it’s never too late, there are always ways to make that happen and rebuild your trust even if your partner has done something you can’t possibly forgive or forget.
These steps will guide you to fix your marriage even when trust is broken…
Step 1: start rebuilding trust
A. Understanding " The WHY!"
Experts say there are a lot of things that need to happen for a couple to start the process of rebuilding trust. First, you need to have a long speech with yourself to understand why you did it. Is it because;
- You wanted to end the relationship but didn’t know how to?
- Are there any specific needs that weren’t being met by your partner?
- Or was it just a silly mistake?
Understanding the reasons that made you betrayal can be difficult, but it’s an essential thing in the rebuilding trust process.
B. Be Honest And Take Action
The first thing you are going to do To restore trust in your marriage, you must take responsibility and apologize.
Don’t make excuses, don’t try to justify, don’t try to find dumb explanations for what you’ve done (i.e. ‘At least I didn’t do ’XYZ’). If you do that, You are just making things worst.
Speaking on how to regain trust Osborn Anna says “Offering any sort of justification for your actions or minimizing them, will only make your spouse shut down and feel doubly hurt.”
Rather, be honest and don’t Lie. You have to tell the whole story and avoid the temptations of hiding certain details or changing the truth just to save yourself, “Don’t fall for this shit”.
Be truthful and willing to tell the whole story. that will serve you better on your way to rebuilding your broken marriage.
“They want to know where it happened, how many times. Some people don’t want to know as much information. What’s scary about affairs is there are a lot of unknowns. Then you kind of move the process of being able to vent your feelings to your partner and the process of your partner being able to receive that forgiveness.” Lena Derhally says.
C. Desire "YES" | False Promises "NO"
When you decide to start regaining the trust. You need to make sure that you have a clear desire and passion to make that work, whatever it takes.
To do this, you have to put everything into fixing the certain things that brought you into this situation. Be transparent and open no more secrets, lies, infidelity, or anything else.
Be careful of making false promises! Don’t you ever promise a lot of things just to save your marriage and gain that trust again, and not fulfill them.
Because promises after cheating are unforgettable, and if you failed to fulfill them. Your marriage will be in danger.
D. Give Your Partner Time
Even if you are ready to speak with your partner, apologize, and start healing your relationship. they might be not ready to listen to you, yet. because it takes time to absorb the fact of being betrayed.
Also, People process things differently. So, your partner may need a while before they can listen to whatever you’d say.
It’s very important to respect that. let your partner know you are ready when they are. I know it feels difficult to do that, but respecting your partner’s boundaries will show them that you are worth fo trust again.
David Klow says “The person who was cheated on usually struggles to know what is real anymore. Their ability to discern what is real gets damaged”
Step 2: During The rebuilding Process
A. Focus On Consistency
Building trust takes ages and ruining only takes a minute.
Throughout rebuilding trust in your marriage, make sure your words match your actions. you have to work hard and show your honesty and desire towards your partner to win their trust again.
“Consistency demonstrates to your spouse that they have reasons to trust you again and also allows you to appear safe to them again” says Osborn
Remember, your partner’s image of you has been ruined. So, your job here is to change that by doing what you’ve said you’re going to do. that will make your partner feel that you deserve a second chance.
Otherwise, if you won’t be consistent, Don’t expect anything positive would happen.
According to fatherly.com “Don’t discount the power of consistency when it comes to rebuilding trust”
B. Commit To Transparent Communication
“Simply moving on, putting the past behind” are not the best practices to do, when you are in the middle of healing a BROKEN relationship.
If you want to rebuild your trust properly, you need to talk about what happened and be open about answering honestly your partner’s questions.
“Some people want to know everything about the affair,” Derhally says.
You can’t escape from talking through the pain, disappointment, and rage that results from cheating. you have to see their perspective about what you did. And most important the damage that you caused, so you make sure you don’t redo it.
C. Accept That Earning Back Trust in Relationships Take Time
When trust is broken, it might take time to rebuild it. Sometimes one apology isn’t enough to turn things around right away.
And with Broken trust, I am sure that things will require more than just an apology. you have to commit and be consistent in a long term.
Also, you need to keep in mind and accept the fact that even if you get back to your partner, things won’t be perfect, your partner might forgive you, but they won’t forget what you’ve done.
It is totally normal, accept that and try to find a way to be the best version of yourself. so your partner will trust you fully.
Lipson adds. “Be respectful and go into the process of repair with an open heart and mind, and an awareness of all outcomes being in the highest good for both parties”
Step 3: SEE the Big Picture
A. Stay Present and Future-Oriented
To do this, prevent the routine of living in the past, repicturing the incident in your head, and pitying yourself because of what happened.
Remember, you want to take action to build trust again. Not sitting on the couch and crying the whole day.
So, to gain that trust you need to put your best and focus on the present and future.
That means, Focusing on your actions and sacrifices you give now and in the future to make your relationship stand.
Try to start afresh by identifying the issues that triggered the cheating. That will prevent you from going through those paths all over again.
Rather, begin building your connection by focusing on what was lost.
B. Set some RED FLAGS!
At times, you need to put your own WARNINGS that could threaten the relationship. Include all the possible points, things like;
- Red Flag #1: Not spending time together and manipulation.
- Red Flag #2: Not being able to have a comfortable conversation.
- Red Flag #3: Being the last person to know.
- Red Flag #4: Behavior that doesn’t match up with their words.
- Red Flag #5: Don’t look forward to coming home.
- Red Flag #6: A spouse who threatens divorce regularly.
After making that list, Now try with your partner to figure out the perfect way to deal with these warnings together in a way that makes your relationship get better.
Besides, the most important thing you need to keep in mind is that you need to be patient. Remember always what bound you together in the first place, and don’t let that shaking trust ruins that.
Aakhansha advises, “For regaining trust after cheating, one has to realize the trust comes and goes. It’s not constant. Just keep the basics in mind, don’t play any games, make sure the communication and conversation are clear and transparent. Have patience, and trust in the process”
C. Don’t Do It Alone
Every relationship has its ups and downs. There’s no shame in reaching out for help.
Couples counseling can be a life-saving solution when dealing with trust issues, especially cheating.
A counselor can give you a third-angle view of your relationship and help both of you work through fundamental trust problems.
Having a trusted counselor will also help you to control the tough conversations between you and your partner and keep your painful emotions on a low level.
The bottom line
It is possible to rebuild the relationship after a breach of trust has occurred?
If you do decide to start restoring your relationship, Be patient, and be sure that things might take some time.
If you show commitment and consistency between you and your partner, you will find that you both come out stronger than before, and of course as a couple.
Is it worth it?
That’s the base question you need to ask yourself before going through these steps above.
You have to know already that the rebuilding process can take a lot of time and it’s not an easy-quick operation!
As long as there’s still love and commitment between the two of you, overcoming your trust problems will make you feel stronger.