Marriage can be tough, but it doesn’t have to feel like a losing battle.
When your spouse doesn’t realize that what they’re doing is stressing you out, it can seem like your marriage rebuilding is doomed and you’re running out of options.
If this sounds like your relationship!
Read these 10 expert tips on how to mend your broken marriage and regain peace of mind.
But Before we go through these tips. I want to answer an essential question that’s in your mind right now.
How do I know if my marriage is worth saving?
You can tell if your marriage is worth saving by asking yourself if you want to be involved with the person you’re currently in love with or if you want to be with them?
This is the biggest question you need to ask yourself. When both partners are willing and able to save their marriage, it’s a good sign that their marriage is worth saving.
Trust can be rebuilt, you share the same values after all this time and you still have the utmost mutual respect.
Of course, not all couples are the same and neither are their marriages.
Let's Dive Into These Steps Now..
The first thing you need to do is Be prepared to spend more time together.
According to firstthings: “couples spend only 20 minutes a week talking with each other.”
You can try to turn off the Technological distractions and make sure you spend at least 20-30 minutes a day communicating with your partner.
When you do that keep in mind Using more “I” and less “you” statements.
This will help reduce the chances that your spouse will feel compelled to defend themselves.
For a marriage to succeed, both spouses must be able to hear each other’s complaints without becoming defensive.
Of course, there will be times when you feel bitterness, resentment, disappointment, or disapproval… Guess what! That’s totally normal.
These feelings must be communicated for change to occur.
Positive feelings like appreciation, affection, respect, admiration, and approval are like making deposits in your love account.
You should have five positive feelings for every negative. If your compliments outweigh your complaints, your spouse will pay attention to your complaints.
If your complaints outweigh your compliments, your criticism will fall on deaf ears. And that’s not a thing you would want to do!
2. Be constructive and solutions-oriented
The first actual step in the direction of positive thinking is to believe you deserve great!
when you certainly trust you’re worth and deserve real happiness that wouldn’t be a problem.
Ask yourself, “Do I deserve joy, peace, and love?” The answer is YES!
Also, you should regularly search for the positive. Whilst you start searching for the good inside the maximum hard of situations, you’re much more likely to spot it.
Analyzing a situation from a different angle is eye-opening.
let’s pretend something happened, you start thinking “my husband did it because he thought it would make me happy or save us time and money”
or “my wife said that not to hurt me, but to make sure it was clear to me.”
If you do think like that all the time. I can bet that The majority of the time you’ll find your spouse doesn’t purposely set out to set you off.
Once you begin to think positively more often and expect the best, your life will definitely change.
Your actions mirror your thoughts. So your positive thinking will transform your marriage and your life in general.
3. Give each other space
It might be scary when you think about that, right! but don’t worry! It’s totally understandable.
I know it’s quite weird when your spouse tells you they need some space.
You may start asking “what did I do wrong?” and you may even start thinking negatively about the relationship. But.. wait!
According to Dr. Roxy Zarrabi “Some people require more space than others when in a relationship.”
There are a lot of people, who don’t feel comfortable sharing everything about themselves, even for spouses.
So to not lose the person they love, they need to stay a little while alone. In order to recharge their energy.
And for you, that’s a good sign of prioritizing healthy boundaries.
Here are a few points that will help you give your partner space without hiding your love:
- When your partner tells you they need space. Don’t take it personally!
- Don’t question their feelings & be thankful for them for opening up.
- Respect their choice & give them the time they need.
- Reduce texting your partner. However, try to check in with short messages 2 times a day so you can show that you care.
- Fill your time with things that make you happy. You can also hang out with your family and friends.
4. Stop looking for blame
Everyone is addicted to “the blame game“. It’s easy to fire words toward your partner even if you know it’s not completely their fault.
But you need to consider something. When you are in a relationship, and you want to mend your marriage, you have to sacrifice “sticking to one opinion” for the sake of the relationship.
Kelsey M. Latimer said “Blaming is a very unhealthy communication style and often leads to us fighting unfairly and bringing in the past into current arguments”
Being defensive or putting blame on each other is a common thing between couples. But Nothing good can ever really come out of blaming your partner.
To avoid that, we gathered some helpful tips that will help you stop the blame game..
- Try to communicate respectfully and directly with your partner, about what you did or what they did wrong!
- Accept the different mentality between you and your partner and have a calm discussion.
Jean G. Fitzpatrick L.P. “My partner is different, not necessarily wrong.”
- Identify what you want, your partner isn’t, a mind reader!
- Don’t cut your partner’s talking, be open and listen, to avoid bigger problems.
- Discussions are inevitable! So think about the big picture, remember you’re in it together.
5. Understand that change is necessary for improvement
To make that easy for you, start writing a list of the things your partner has talked about repeatedly.
And, don’t add “yeah, but…” when you are making the list.
Just accept and be open about these controversial things, because maybe some of them are true!.
Don’t try to avoid some issues that you disagree about, just write them down, no matter how annoying they are.
After writing these issues, start analyzing yourself whether they are true and you would like to admit them.
On the other hand, you can start step by step, and make a list of what you are willing to do to change these issues.
However, keep in mind that a significant change takes time and effort, So Be patient!
It’s impossible to change yourself overnight. But as long as you commit to turning yourself around and saving your marriage, you will be happy becoming a better person.
Last but not least, don’t try to explain to your partner that you have changed or you are changing. So, just let nature take its course, and your partner will definitely sooner or later, feel your improvement…
6. Be patient
“Love is patient” In other words, according to
focusonthefamily.com “the path to a loving relationship is recognizing that we must first deal with our own impatience when another person isn’t living up to our expectations or is doing things we find annoying.”
Patience means; the ability to keep a good attitude while we wait. And into your way to rescue and rebuild your marriage.
Here are some practical steps you can implement to be patient
- Every spouse strives for genuine moments of communication, and your part here is to put everything else by side when you connect with your spouse. In other words, listen with your face and avoid technological distractions.
focused listening is a powerful way to show your spouse that whatever discussion you’re having, is the main priority at that moment.
- Learn how to speak and when to speak, and that’s very important because your tongue can sprinkle love or do a whole lot of damage.
Also, you need to communicate with your spouse about the best time to have a respectful discussion.
- Control your anger and be cool! There are a lot of techniques out there that you can use to curb your anger. And there’s nothing wrong with those practices.
You have to train yourself to replace your anger with kindness’ compassion and patience.
Last but not least, It takes time to grow your patience. Practice makes perfect! Begin with a commitment to becoming a better, more focused listener.
And decide today that in addition to curbing your anger, you’ll look for ways to show kindness to your spouse.
Is it possible to fix a broken marriage? Yes, it is! It’s not easy for sure; it takes committed spouses to rescue a marriage. But it can be done!
And the easiest way to have a happy marriage is to not let it break in the first place.
But if your relationship has reached this point, you should recharge yourself and use the steps linked above to understand the full picture of rescuing your marriage.