Financial infidelity is one of the most typical reasons for divorce. In fact, it is estimated that about six million Americans are guilty of financial infidelity in some way.
If the idea of your spouse spending money on unimportant things is wrong, what about your spouse doing the same thing and purposely hiding it from you?
There are different forms a person can commit financial infidelity. Hiding personal assets from your partner is another, as is getting into debt.
So if you have told a white lie concerning your spending or have over-spent on your credit card, trust me, you are far from alone.
This thing can escalate into an emotional drama that, when it’s already too late, will turn into a divorce.
There are proven steps I am going to talk about today, that you can use to enhance the financial situation and wisdom of it.
But first, let’s answer this question…
can a marriage survive financial infidelity?
- 31% of people in marriages with joint finances report having committed financial infidelity.
- More than two out of three adults have been affected by financial infidelity in a current or past relationship.
- 50% of the couples affected by financial deception experienced a loss of trust between partners.
- 16% of people who confessed to deceiving their spouse about money reported that it ultimately led to divorce.
I know statistics don’t lie and it might even be frightened for you. But also, don’t be disappointed! I am here to give you the secrets to overcome the odds and make your marriage work like a charm!
To be honest, It takes a lot of patience and time to persist and rebuild your marriage after it’s been ruined by financial infidelity.
However, it is not impossible to rebuild loving trust, and more than that, it is also not impossible for your once-cheating partner to change into a more trustworthy person with your finances as a pair.
Financial Infidelity: How Can It Affect My Marriage?
Many divorce lawyers declare that divorce cases caused by financial infidelity outnumber the cases caused by unfaithful affairs. This is because of the money importance in marriage.
The pressure of debt can frequently be too much for one half to handle, and occasionally these debts do hold up in court.
As a matter of fact, leading financial planner Roger Gibson states that finance “is a very intimate part of your marriage.”
Gibson adds on; How a couple builds their dreams together;
They need to save money in order to realize these dreams. And when one of them secretively engages in financial activities, it’s like ruining the dreams that they have built together.
Financial infidelity is also a form of disrespect. Not only did the guilty partner breach the trust of the other, but have also failed to respect the other essential elements of marriage. These include teamwork.
A study by the U.K. accounting firm Graham Thornton shows that one in five divorces involved at least one spouse trying to conceal assets from the other.
Another reason is that there might be another thing that lies beyond financial misbehavior.
There are a lot of cases where the cheating affair is escorted by financial infidelity. The money the spouse secretly spends might be for the other woman.
There are also cases where the reason why one spouse opens an account and hides some assets from the other spouse is to be ready in case a divorce happens.
Signs of financial infidelity
- Surprise or unauthorized withdrawals in your shared bank account.
- Credit card reports on gift items purchase that you did not receive.
- Opening a bank account without telling you.
- Not informing you about raise in earnings and rewards.
- Anonymous or unexplained travel deductions in his income tax returns.
Effects of Financial Infidelity
- Fall of trust in the relationship
- Emotional distance.
- Reduction in self-esteem in the partner that has been deceived.
- Increase in stress, Depression, and grievance in the relationship
- Boost the frequency of fights, and lose intimacy.
Financial Infidelity VS Sexual Infidelity
Divorce lawyers say that divorce cases caused by financial infidelity are now more expected than cases caused by sexual infidelity.
So, is this betrayal more awful than well-known sexual affairs and infidelities?
Some people claim that sexual intimacy with someone else, especially within a marriage, is way more harmful than any other betrayal on the globe.
Financial infidelity in marriage can also be a symbol of sexual infidelity. The spouse can be involved in covert spending habits to uphold his connection with the other female.
According to Ruth Houston, author, “financial infidelity often accompanies sexual infidelity.”
In order to hide his cheating affairs, the husband hides most of his financial movements from the spouse to avoid being questioned.
The wife, after finding that her hubby is having an affair with other females, starts hiding money and some assets from her husband. This is because she and her children may need it to survive after the divorce.
Related Article: 3 Proven Steps To Fix Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken
Steps to Surviving Financial Infidelity in Your Marriage
The good news is that relationships will recover after this crisis as long as the appropriate steps are taken.
So how exactly save your marriage if financial infidelity has taken place?
If you are the offender, you should:
1. Acknowledge that there is a problem
Pick the right time when you can sit down with your partner to speak calmly about your plans.
You need to apologize for your financial infidelity and devote yourself to doing whatever it takes to not replicate your behavior.
2. Be honest
Do not talk to your partner until you have first figured out what you want to do and created plans you can share with him/her.
Create a strategy to quit your spending, and for how you plan to work at returning the money you consumed (work a second job).
3. Be accountable
If you were overspending because you don’t know how to restrict yourself, Get rid of any credit cards you have.
No more individual e-mail accounts. If you buy something online, your spouse should know about it via a confirmation e-mail.
And set a limitation at which you will consult with your spouse any purchase you make each month after you have spent $XXX.XX or whatever amount will assist you to achieve your goal.
4. No secrets/No Lies
If your financial infidelity resulted from sexual infidelity you need to finish your affair instantly.
Your marriage can recover only when you have terminated the triangulation of your relationship. Any prolonging of your other relationship will work against your marriage.
5. Be willing to get professional help if needed
If your financial infidelity is part of an addiction, which is quite common, you need to work on healing from this habit.
Dig for a credit counselor to help you make a plan with the best method for getting out of debt.
The key here is that trust has to be earned back. Financial infidelity is an enormously heavy crisis and can destroy a marriage.
You must find out what the source of the issue is, which may suggest visiting a professional marriage counselor.
Last, understand that recovery will take time, it is stupid to believe that your spouse will get over it directly. You have harmed them deeply and sometimes only time can actually heal.
The bottom line is that you need to hold onto each other and work through it. It is only a small period in your great 50-60 years together.
If you are the victim, you should:
- Express your feelings to your mate.
- Set your readiness to work on the relationship.
- Communicate your conditions to your spouse.
- Commit to being an involved partner in handling the family finances.
- When you feel secure again, have a willingness to pardon your partner.
Handling your finances takes time, effort, and energy. However, relationships can survive if hubbies make a joint commitment to be honest and communicate.
Continually checking bills and financial statements together and having persistent conversations about future goals is vital.
Professionals say that there is nothing incorrect with maintaining some money affairs secret, as long as that’s what both spouses desire. That’s why it is necessary to talk openly with your partner.
When spouses are transparent on what they hope from each other and work together to fulfill their shared dreams, marriages are maintained and financial infidelity can be controlled.