Narcissistic Abuse

How Do You Respond To A Narcissistic Abuser? 5 Expert Keys

All relationships have conflicts. Every relationship will have areas of complication, and some form of disagreement and hurt.

However, when most people think about abuse, they always focus on the physical type. Yet, mental and emotional abuse can be just as if not more damaging, especially when the abuser is the partner.

Narcissistic abuse can be physical, emotional, sexual, financial…

Today we will give you a full explanation of narcissistic abuse, its signs, and the best way to deal with this situation. So keep reading!

First things first, What is narcissistic abuse?

According to verywellmind; Narcissistic abuse is a type of emotional abuse where the abuser only cares about themselves, and may use words and actions to manipulate their partner’s behavior and emotional state…

Narcissists don’t really like themselves. In fact, they are driven by shame. It is the ideal image of themselves, which they convince themselves that they embody and admire.

But deep down, narcissists feel the gap between the cover they show the world and their shame-based self. They work hard to avoid feeling that disgrace.

The narcissist uses defense mechanisms that destroy relationships and cause pain and damage to their loved ones’ self-confidence.

How to Spot a Narcissist? 7 signs

Basically, if you noticed the points listed below in your partner, then he/she might be a narcissist.

Sign #1: Admiration Seekers

Usually, narcissists like to talk about themselves, and your job is to be a good audience. They may never ask about you, and if you talk about yourself, the conversation will come back to them quickly. You might feel invisible and annoyed.

On the other hand, many narcissists are charming, handsome, skilled, and successful. Therefore, you may be fascinated by their beautiful looks and stories.

Beware that some narcissists who master the art of seduction may act over-interested in you, but this fades over time. Flattery is also a trick to seduce you.

— Janet M. Tavakoli

Narcissists have poor self-esteem, but they are typically very successful. They feel entitled; they’re self-important; they crave admiration and lack empathy. They are also exploitative and envious

Janet M. Tavakoli

Author

Sign #2: Grandiose and exceptional

They are not only want to be the center of attention but also show off their achievements, trying to impress you.

If they haven’t achieved their objectives yet, they may brag about how they will or how they should have more success than they do.

In addition, they may drive an expensive car and wear fashionable clothes, brag about their school, and want to go to luxurious restaurants.

This may amaze you, just like their charms, but it’s really a sign of their need for constant gratitude and appreciation to hide the void beneath.

Sign #3: Lack of empathy

Although some people who are not narcissistic lack empathy, this trait is a crucial sign when combined with a sense of entitlement and exploitation.

Look at their reaction when describing sad stories. Do they lack empathy for the hardships of others and especially your own needs? Simple examples are rudeness, not listening, walking ahead of you, ignoring your boundaries…

Boss yell at the employee

Admittedly, these little things aren’t significant on their own, but they stack together to build a character that doesn’t care about you and will act that way on bigger issues.

Sign #4: Deserve Royal treatment

A sense of entitlement reveals how narcissists believe they deserve special treatment, and the rules shouldn’t apply to them. If they were found guilty, it is everyone’s fault, or the law is wrong.

Always, You must cater to their needs, like what they like, and meet at a time that suits them. A relationship with this kind of person will be a hard one-sided path.

A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.

karla grimes

Sign #5: Take advantage of others

You may not see this coming, but the narcissists may brag about how they exploit someone.

Manipulation is a form of hidden aggression to influence you to do their bidding. For many, dating is an art of game-playing. “Intimate relationship,” or not, they are usually careless about the other person’s feelings or needs.

The most common exploitation involves lying, cheating, and fraud that affects financial and business dealings. These may contain legal breaches.

Not everyone who had an affair is a narcissist, but repeated lying might be a factor in many narcissistic characteristics. Other signs will appear more clearly.

Sign #6: jealousy

Narcissists do not like their competitors because they consider themselves the best. Instead of being happy with other people’s successes, they get envious and want what they have.

They will say things such as “he (or she) doesn’t deserve anything” Narcissists also claim or believe that other people are envious of them.

When a person has good reason to criticize their actions, they will immediately consider it jealousy, because they are so wonderful and uncritical.

Sign #7: Extra EGO

Narcissists act grandiose because they feel low-grade deep down. You may have noticed how they humiliate other people’s classes, jobs, or races.

Their critical comments are usually rough and not just complain about the service, But attack the individual. It might come in sudden anger or hidden hate.

Ego

They usually think they are foolproof and always have the correct opinion. You may feel questioned, rushed into a discussion, or your words are twisted.

Narcissists never take responsibility (unless it’s for success), rarely apologize, and blame others a lot when things go wrong.

Listen to how they speak about their past relationships. Do they act like the victim and still burn with resentment?

How to Handle Narcissistic Abuse? 5 proven keys

The way to survive narcissistic abuse starts by admitting that you got what it takes to change everything.

Right now, you know that living in an abusive relationship means losing yourself. So, it’s time to make it clear once for all that you are not a victim.

These tips will help you to survive narcissistic abuse:

Tip #1: Hide your weakness

Remember, narcissists, are not capable of empathy or compassion. They will take advantage of anyone who appears emotionally vulnerable.

If you show weakness, sadness, or grief, you will always be easy prey for your narcissistic partner.

Tip #2: Be confident

There are a few things you can do to deal with verbal abuse both in the short and long term.

First, try to remain calm and professional. It will require training, but it is necessary to avoid aggressiveness.

If you can’t remain calm, try these short-term responses:

  • Acknowledge the comment and move on.
  • Say something positive about yourself.
  • Respond with a joke or sarcasm.
As stated in themindsjournal, you can respond;
  • “I’ll think about it.”
  • “I’ll never be the good enough wife (husband) that you hoped for.”
  • “I don’t like it when you criticize me. Please stop.” (Then walk away)
  • “That’s your opinion. I disagree, (or) I don’t see it that way.”
  • “You’re saying . . .” (Repeat what was said. Add, “Oh, I see.”)
  • “I won’t talk to you when you (describe abuse, e.g. “belittle me”). Then leave.
  • Agree to a part that’s true. “Yes, I burned the dinner.” Ignore “You’re a rotten cook.”
  • Humor – “You’re very cute when you get annoyed.”

Tip #3: Put clear strategy

When dealing with a narcissist, it is necessary to know what you want, what the narcissist wants, your limits, and where your power lies in the relationship.

People with this kind of personality disorder are often very defensive and tough to deal with. But certain methods can be effective in getting through to them.

Tip #4: Set boundaries

Take care of yourself before anything else. Boundaries are the rules that set expectations about how you want them to treat you.

They will try to manipulate you into doing things you don’t want and make you feel guilty when you disagree.

A character drawing a line around themselves with a neon yellow

You always get treated the way you authorize people to treat you. You have to be aware of your boundaries and enforce them in order to get the treatment you want.

This means connecting with your feelings, listening to your mind, knowing your rights, and learning how to be assertive. You must be straightforward. Don’t wait or expect people to read your thoughts

Be confident with your decisions. Make it clear that you won’t stand screaming and other crazy tactics.

Tip #5: You can Educate

It has been shown that narcissists have neurological deficits which impact their interpersonal reactions. My general advice would be to try and educate them on how their behavior affects others.

This will help them understand why their actions are wrong and hopefully change their behavior.

Be patient, clear, and concise in your explanations, and make sure they understand the consequences of their actions.

Does Couples Therapy Work With Narcissists?

Elinor Miller Greenberg, Ph.D. in her Psychology Today states; ” It is necessary for people in couples’ therapy to be able to admit where their behavior or their expectations for the relationship are unreasonable.”

In order to respond effectively, you need Support. If you try to do it on your own, you’ll likely struggle with self-doubt and abusive information.

It’s challenging to change how you and others react, but it’s possible with the right tools

When you stand up for yourself, there will undoubtedly be pushback. That’s why it’s essential to have a supportive network by your side. With courage and consistency, you can overcome any obstacle.

Miller says, “Narcissists cannot admit their flaws without in their own mind shifting from feeling special to worthless. This makes it highly unlikely that they will actually be able to utilize couples’ therapy to try to improve their approach to the relationship.”

Using therapy will provide the right tools for you to rebuild your self-confidence and protection. Also, it will give you the right mindset to think about whether you stay or leave the relationship.

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