Abusive Husband Shouting At Wife

How To Handle An Abusive Husband? The Proven Formula

Domestic violence has affected many couples, and the Capital Coalition Against Domestic Violence describes it as a “pattern of coercive behaviors that abusers use to control a relationship.”

There is nothing more difficult in a marriage than being abused by one spouse. Not only does physical harm affect the relationship, but the abuse also has a massive negative impact on the relationship.

Read on, and you will discover everything about domestic abuse and how to handle your husband from being abusive.

So, What Is Domestic Violence and Abuse?

According to The United Nations, Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence”, can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

Domestic violence is a very serious problem that impacts men, women, and children. Usually, men are the offenders. But men can also be abused.

Domestic violence

For anyone who experiences domestic violence, the effect is horrible. The healing process is long and demanding. You can recover, but it will take hard work on your part. And you have to desire it.

Why Does the Abuser Abuse?

Here is a common question that sticks awkwardly in many of the victim’s brains.

In general, Domestic abuse happens because the abuser believes he has the right to do what he is doing. It’s kind of an illusion.

He’s deceived, and he would argue hard to justify that he did it for good reasons. He doesn’t seem to have any understanding or even want to comprehend the impact of his behavior.

Lundy Bancroft

Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control

Lundy Bancroft


Another secret reason, the more successful a person can get, the lower his sympathy. Continued success in any field can be dangerous because the capacity for empathy can disappear.

One of the greatest human tragedies is when care grows apart in people who have power in life.

Automatically, a lack of empathy leads to narcissism. None of us like to be seen as a narcissist, and this is especially true of those who abuse power.

As explained by Mentalhelp, people who abuse end up abusing because they have an empathy deficit, either because of some sort of brain damage or because they were so abused themselves as children that their innate empathic abilities never developed properly.

Perhaps this explains why the abuser is completely unaware of this, not seeing it as abuse, and even justifying their behavior. Any person who refuses to admit narcissism is at threat of using it to abuse.

Am I Being Abused?

If the majority of the points listed below determine your situation. You may be in an abusive relationship.

Domestic Abuse Checklist

3 Common Signs of Domestic Abuse You Cannot Ignore

Every time we hear that someone we know is accused of a serious crime, we would say, “I didn’t see any signs that he would have done that.”

Yes, consciously or subconsciously, we always search for signs to see. And when it comes to domestic violence, it makes no difference.

Criticism in front of Loved Ones

The main goal of the abuser is to control his wife, and to achieve this, he will talk unkindly to family members and friends under the robe of love in order for her to do better.

For example, he might say, “She’s a headache when it comes to finances, but I’m trying to teach her how to handle it.”

This helps lay the root for the husband to have complete control over all the money that passes between the two.

Moreover, the husband will say a lot of things that can help cause division between family and friends, to isolate his victim. While at the same time making himself appear “the good”, rational and loving.

Periods of Silence

Another sign that can’t be abandoned is when he quits talking to his companion for days and sometimes weeks, although they live together and see each other every day.

Sometimes a reason is provided, logical or illogical, but sometimes there is no reason for the action. However, this is usually done to punish the other person.

Some victims do well with this “silent treatment” and, in fact, look forward to it because this is the only time they’ll ever have to hear the abuser’s hurtful words again.

On the opposite, other victims respond badly to this because they are worried about other types of abuse that are planned during this period.

Off Limit Rooms

Today we hear a lot about “man caves” And this should give us a moment to stop and think, But, unfortunately, most of the time we don’t!

The term “man caves” usually comes across as a joke, and both parties in the relationship are generally on board with this agreement.

However, if the abuser says that a certain room in the house is off-limits, this is a red flag to watch out for. It can refer to another domination tactic.

A DO NOT ENTER sign post over a white background - clipping path included

He may feel that he is the king and the victim is the wife. He gives orders when she can enter the room, and this is usually when the husband wants something that only the wife can provide.

So, how to handle an abusive husband?

Now that you know the signs, here are some ways to work it out and prevent it from happening.

Step 1: Regaining Control

One of the first steps you should take is to know about the appropriate behavior coming from your partner.

Oftentimes, you become so used to accepting the disrespectful and manipulative behaviors till the point that you may feel that you deserve it.

When that happens, you’ll find it difficult to recognize what includes respect from another person.

Once you learn to identify unacceptable behavior for what it is, you are on the right path to overcoming domestic abuse.

Step 2: Use the right words

The next step is to learn what words and consequences to utilize with the abusive partner. He is controlling every side of your life and is “rewarded” for his behavior with fear and surrender from you.

When you learn to recognize disrespectful behavior, you will be able to confront it and walk away, thus getting yourself out of the situation.

The reason why this step is necessary. Because it gives the husband negative reinforcement when he behaves inappropriately.

Step 3: Confront your partner

When you’re keeping quiet about everything, your spouse may think it’s okay if he occasionally offended you or said bad words to your face.

If you get hurt, never let a day go by without talking about his actions or words and what you can do to avoid it.

He may not agree to everything, but at least you have made it clear to prevent yourself from being constantly abused, either physically or emotionally.

Step 4: Seek Counseling

If you can’t handle the situation anymore, try seeking advice from a good marriage counselor.

If your partner refuses to do that, give him time. It is quite challenging to change a pattern and a bad trait.

Overcoming Abuse And Be Successful

1. Revive Your Career

Abused women can only overcome this situation if they find a way to take care of themselves. Your career can give you the financial resources, opportunities, and friends you need.

You should think carefully about what is important to you, know that you have the right to your own beliefs and values, and make every effort to live according to them.

2. Find An Interest

This might be silly, but many people are brought to life anew by finding their favorite thing to do. It could be anything… swimming, painting, skiing… it doesn’t matter.

By doing this, you will be able to feed yourself and also become more attractive.

3. Manage Your Money

Abused women often stay in abusive relationships for financial reasons.

I want you to Take a brave step by Learning to manage your income and change your financial habits. Whether you need to cut back, live on less, make more, get a second job… Just do it.

4. Stay Optimistic

Abused women often feel desperate and hopeless. However, never think that your life is limited and you cannot push through. Always keep looking for help available to you.

5. Workout

If there is one adjustment you need to take in order to feel better and have more control in your life, the gym is the perfect place to begin.

6. Get the help you need

You can’t get out of this fight without some help. Don’t do this alone. Try to get all the support you need. Whether groups, counselors, jobs, and friends who don’t indulge in harmful habits.

Knowledge is power! Counseling will enable you to build or rebuild the relationship.

ebook the keys to relationship harmony

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