Relationship crisis.

How To Save A Marriage After 30 Years: 5 Hidden Hacks

One point is clear: there are no marriages without problems. There are ups and downs in every relationship. And despite what Hollywood will sell you, no one in this real-world feels loved in word and deed or accomplished every day.

Things seem hopeless and divorce is definitely on the horizon. And you wonder “How could this have happened to us? What did I do wrong? Who is blaming? How can I save my marriage from divorce?…”

If you’re like many couples, you’ve tried many things that should help save the marriage, but so far nothing has worked.

I want to share the gold methods taken by experts that you can start using today, immediately to save your marriage and help keep your marriage going strong as you grow old together. 

But, before we start, I am going to share with you some things to make sure we are in the same picture.

What are some of the common problems that occur in long-term marriages?

There are some divorce lawsuits that married couples should be aware of. At the root of most divorce lawsuits are fundamental personality differences that couples don’t know how to deal with.

It is very common for two people to have completely different views on the same event or situation.

Also, It is important to know the causes of divorce and how to prevent them from breaking up your marriage. Below are 4 Common Causes of Divorce…

1. Verbal abuse

Abusive verbal behavior is a major cause of divorce. it can be extremely destructive to a relationship. It’s a way of putting down the receiving spouse and disrespecting them.

Actions like when a spouse calls their partner by name repeatedly yells at them, rejects the spouse’s feelings, and constantly criticizes their partner.

Like any form of abuse, it can erode the confidence and self-esteem of an abused spouse if left unchecked. These feelings can become internalized.

Aggressive abuser husband, upset wife

2. Lack of marital communication skills

Not having the communication skills necessary for a happy marriage is ranked as one of the top causes of divorce. Disagreements are common in relationships.

Resolving marital conflicts requires good marital communication skills. Two key skills in marital communication are speaking and listening.

To speak effectively with your spouse, you must understand that words have meaning. The words you use and how you say them have a huge impact on how your spouse receives them.

As seen on a Sussex Directories Inc site

As a couple’s therapist, my one piece of advice is to keep communication open. In particular, be willing to validate your partner’s experience, listen, compromise, and attempt to foster empathy with your partner.

Dr. Rae Mazzei

Psychologist

Learning to listen properly is necessary to truly hear what your spouse is saying to you and to convey to your spouse that you are being heard.

This includes both verbal and non-verbal skills. This is great for fixing the root causes of divorce.

3. Unrealistic expectations

It’s one of the underrated Reasons for Divorce. Unrealistic expectations can damage a marriage if the expectations are not reasonable.

Expectations can include an unrealistic notion of what marriage should be like without considering what is actually happening in most people’s live

Not understanding that marriage will have its ups and downs and expecting things to always take their course is one of the reasons for divorce to avoid. Unrealistic expectations can involve sex, money, work, and many other issues.

Distraught grey haired old man with his hands covering his face.

4. Influences from outside of the Marriage

When a spouse feels neglected or that others are unduly influencing their marriage, this can lead to serious marital problems and become one of the reasons for divorce.

The causes of divorce are often the interference of parents, family, and friends. Allowing others to negatively affect the marriage is responsible for many marital conflicts and is one of the causes of divorce.

Family or friends can cause unnecessary problems between couples. Interference often takes the form of invading a partner’s privacy, monopolizing holidays and weekends, starting disagreements and conflicts, constantly criticizing the spouse without warning, and other controlling behaviors.

Your relationship could be saved!

Your spouse wasn't born yesterday but they can still change!

The secret to saving your marriage is to list down all the reasons why your marriage is worth saving.

There is a hidden secret for saving your marriage that just may be the key to long-lasting marital success.

Step 1

You will need to clear up your schedule in order to find time to reflect upon all the good qualities your marriage offers you and list them down.

No matter how big or how small the reason is, go ahead and include it in the list if it qualifies as a reason Hurriedly trying to make a list is just not going to work.

Step 2

The next step is to identify what aspects of your married life need work. No matter what the reason is, even if you are just guessing, try and list down as many issues as you think need work.

Determine if these issues are problems you can tackle on your own or if you would feel more comfortable seeing a marriage counselor. If you are confident you can tackle all the issues yourself, then go ahead and give it a go.

Irene Schreiner, LMFT, Solid Foundations Therapy, Downer’s Grove, IL Says; 

If I’m only able to give one piece of advice it would be to start treating your marriage like a living breathing entity that you are responsible for keeping alive. That may sound weird but we often fail to think about what we can do for our marriage.

We get stuck focusing on the things that our partner didn’t do for us. We then use that as a justification for us not doing good things for our partner. This creates a cycle of hurt and resentment.

If you instead focus on “feeding” your marriage, regardless of what your partner did or didn’t do, it will grow and thrive.

The first steps to saving a marriage after 30 years

1. Stop Asking What's Wrong and How To Fix It

A common and human mistake all of us make is usually searching out what is incorrect and the way are we able to restorative it.

There’s not anything incorrect with locating the susceptible spots on your dating and operating to higher them somehow, however focusing on the awful matters on your marriage has its price:

  • It emphasizes the marriage crisis. 
  • It makes you experience that matters are hopeless and it is a shaky basis for rebuilding your relationship.

So, what is the uncommon way to cope with this?

Focus on elements of your marriage. Take a ride down memory lane:

  • Try and consider satisfied times.
  • Loving moments which you shared.
  • Look at photographs of you on a journey together, smiling and touching.

Remember why they have become your first-class friend.

  • Are they the best ones who are aware of your private worry due to the fact that they are the ones you’ve got shared it with?
  • Do they have equal humorousness as you?

Write down all of the features of your partner and your marriage. This will remind you of the inspiration of your marriage and the way you may each be glad together.

2. Feel Angry, But Keep Your Cool

When your marriage is in crisis, anger becomes your companion.

  • How many times have you experienced feeling Boiled over in rage over something your spouse said or did?
  • How many times have you responded angrily at how irresponsible he/she has behaved?

Feeling angry is understandable, and venting your anger can even strengthen your communication. But acting angry will only make things worse and cause more problems than you started with.

So, what’s the uncommon way to deal with this?

A. Identify your anger point

Identify the point when you decide to become angry. There is such a point and if you stop and think for a second – you will find it.

Now – consciously decide to respond without the anger. Express your feelings. Start with “I am angry because I feel…” instead of “I am angry because YOU…”

B. Change your approach

Before telling him off, remind yourself that you are talking to your best friend, not your enemy. Then start talking.

3. Be willing to compromise & Take your time

This can be a real key to saving your marriage. You should both respect each other’s thoughts and opinions and be flexible. You can start today, but don’t expect to save your marriage in an afternoon.

Be patient as you work through each issue with your spouse and plan for setbacks. Do not go angry if these happen because they probably will do.

4. You must forgive

This is arguably most difficult with a breach of trust, such as infidelity.

However, for the marriage to survive, both must be willing to forgive past offenses, both small and large, and do their best to forget them and never mention them again.
Living in the past is a sure recipe for failure.

5. Consider counseling

Counseling can be a financial drain on a marriage, but don’t let that stop you from thinking about it when you need to.

Check the credentials and reputation of each consultant you consider and only sign up with one you both agree with.

These 5 tips are just the beginning, but I suggest you start right away. The benefits of healing your relationship will last a lifetime and are immeasurable when it comes to your own happiness and zest for life.

The Big secret to sustaining a happy marriage

1

First of all, you need to make sure you maintain mutual respect at all times. Instead of gloating over your partner’s mistakes, which would sometimes cause you to lose respect for him or her, focus on the reasons you fell in love with that person first.

No matter how hard you try, you can’t spend the rest of your life with one person without first developing mutual respect.

Always remember that respect is the most important cornerstone in maintaining a harmonious relationship, romantic or not.

2

Next, you need to make an effort to develop an effective system of communication between you and your lover, especially during a fight.

Sure, it can all start with seemingly simple misunderstandings at first, but if you don’t have a clue how to deal with conflict properly, small arguments and disagreements will eventually become emotional time bombs that can easily shatter your marriage.

You just can’t have a real relationship if you know there are things you just won’t tell your lover.

3

Finally, no matter how long you’ve been married to your partner, it’s important that you still know how to spark romance from time to time.

Express your love in more than one way so you don’t get stuck in a dead-end. Keep your lover on their toes by planning romantic getaways at least once a year.

Just because you’ve known each other like the back of your hand doesn’t mean you can forget about romance altogether. Always keep special dates sacred and try to spend quality time together.

It’s just one of those simple things you can do to ensure your relationship doesn’t lose its romantic spark in the long run.

To wrap things up

Generally, most marriages begin to heal once one person steps up and decides that they’re going to fight for the wedding and not offer up. this can typically “soften” the opposite relative who will then begin to have interaction within the relationship as well.

Therefore even though your spouse isn’t fascinated by being engaged in the marriage you’ll be able to still take the lead and start to find out the skills that successful couples implement, and hopefully, your husband will follow suit.

Don’t give up. Marriages are always worth fighting for and nearly always have a chance to become the thriving relationship that we tend to all want.

Now, if you think your relationship needs some extra help, don’t be ashamed.

The truth is to maintain a harmonious relationship; You’re going to need all the help you can get.

So if you’re feeling a little helpless in the situation, it might be best to consult the experts along the way.

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