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Why Do I Struggle To Communicate With My Partner? 10 Proven Solutions

You probably know that communication in relationships is needed for any happy relationship and marriage to succeed. So it should be no surprise for you to learn how to do that.

Then, why do so many of us seem to lose the ability to have basic conversations with our partners?

Within this article, We’re going to talk about the possible reasons that make you struggle to communicate with your partner and the best ways to overcome that. So, keep reading!

The Reasons Why You Are Struggling to communicate With Your partner

The fundamental cause of communication failures is usually the lack of awareness of what is really happening.

Many couples struggle to communicate successfully in any occurred problem because they don’t know the proper structure for effective communication.

lack of awareness quotes
As mentioned in peoplebloomcounseling; Oftentimes we don’t really even know how we are feeling and what we are needing in our relationships.

Over time, unresolved problems keep surfacing and dominating each conversation.

In general, This means that the lack of skillful communication structure impedes the resolution of a problem.

Structural communication issues
  • Interrupting and finishing the other sentences.
  • Lack of supportive body language signals (touches, hugs…etc)
  • Hearing but not truly listening.
  • Unsuitable place and time to talk.
  • Shutting down on each other’s talking.
  • Disrespect each other’s opinions and beliefs.
Content issues
  • Discussing more than one topic.
  • Referencing old issues.
  • Changing the topic suddenly.
  • Assumptions and unspoken expectations.
  • Purposely hiding important information.
  • Bringing up different seemingly similar situations.

Our Advice

If you understand what level your challenges truly are and fix the way you communicate (content and structure) Then, you can deal with the real issues.

How Communication Works In A Relationship?

In other words, What are the methods to repair the damage and build meaningful-successful communication?


First of all, you have to accept that even though you might be highly skilled at certain things. You can always learn and develop, especially in areas like communication, even though you use it every day.


Second, admit that you may be ignorant of your mistakes. Suffering from misunderstandings and other difficulties, especially in our closest relationships, is evidence of skills that you need to update and improve.


Third, you must be open and willing to learn and understand, have someone to show you your blind spot, and be humble enough to say: “OK, I might see it, YET! but trust I can learn and practice to improve.”

How to Communicate With Your Spouse for a Happy Relationship?

1. Don't take it personally

Often, we fall into the trap of over-sensitivity. Your husband might have had a hard day at work or suffered additional pressure in his day. If you take their mood personally, it can be devastating.

Many spouses in the first years of marriage get too sensitive to their husband’s anxiety when he gets home from work.

However, most of these women report that the majority of the time, they weren’t the reason why their husbands are angry about it. It’s just a matter of work pressure.

As you continue to learn how to communicate and share how both of you feel, he won’t yell too much, and you will be less sensitive. Does that mean he won’t shout anymore? No, just don’t take it personally.

2. Express feelings without anger

This can be challenging. It is easy to get furious and start firing harsh words at the other person. But sometimes, pulling out one person from an immediate emotional situation can benefit.

Go somewhere to cool off, and make sure you don’t discuss it with your friends(s) because, in my experience, friends have long memories and can remember things better.

Moreover, it is inappropriate to discuss these topics with others. Never ever tell friends and family members things about your spouses that you wouldn’t say in front of them.

3. create time for communicating seriously

Sommerfeldt notes; Choosing the right time to talk with your partner can make all the difference.

Of course, this does not mean that partners should not communicate with each other all the time, but the wisdom behind this is to fill in all the gaps that casual communications did not fill.

For example, you and your partner have agreed to use the weekends to talk things out. I also recommend communicating in comfortable places where you and your partner can express and share love to the fullness.

4. Active listening

The most neglected rule that people don’t use is to listen to what their partner has to say. Communication is not just about talking openly with each other. But also the ability to listen to what the other has to say.

Remember that positive listening is vital to any relationship. Otherwise, how can you understand if you are not paying attention to what is being said?

As explained in Healthline; When having a discussion, don’t make it a competition to see who wins. Instead, actively listen and try to understand their point of view.

5. Relax when you speak

Being aware of how you say and deliver the words to your partner can make a huge difference in how you are received. Especially your tone of voice.

It has been proven that we relax and smile more when we look at a reflection in the mirror, and this makes the sound more friendly and accessible.

So relaxing when you speak, trying to lower the level of tension helps influence the mood of a discussion.

6. Speak the truth

Being honest with your partner can be easy because of the passion and trust the two of you built over time.

But sometimes you avoid saying your true feelings because you don’t want to disturb the relationship you have together.

Never ever forget that getting upset or experiencing different struggles and problems with your partner are very natural in relationships.

There really is nothing wrong with being honest about the things that you feel are not going well, as long as you tell your partner about it truthfully and openly.

7. Focus on the topic

Discussing the situation without anger is not possible but stick to the topic. Many people, when they fight, start bringing up all kinds of past resentments. It is very unproductive and ridiculous.

You must let the past grievances stay in the past and only discuss the current issues. Even If you are angry, try your best not to say personally critical things that can hurt your significant other.

As said in healthline; Regularly dredging up your partner’s mistakes can be counterproductive and just make them more defensive.

Stay focused on the topic that you’re both are talking about until it is completely finished. That will make your partner feel you care about the problem and are willing to listen and resolve it.

8. respect

Unless you respect your beloved ones and they respect you, you won’t get very far. Simple as this. If they bring up a problem, you mustn’t ignore them or refuse to listen.

There are things you need to think about when you’re looking to move forward and have the right kind of choices, and you’ll see that you’ll need to consider respecting and treating your significant others well.

9. Understanding each other

Great relationships take a lot of understanding on both sides when, and last-long relationships are the ones where you understand what your partner wants rather than what you want.

That is why you need to communicate in order to understand, feel, and maintain your relationship. And that’s the key to a long and steady partnership in the future.

10. Learn To Have Fun Together

Couples who spend time playing and having fun together tend to develop healthy relationships.

Even if you both have different hobbies and interests, doing fun activities together will help you connect and increase intimacy.

And, when you increase connection and intimacy, it will lead to improving your communication which in turn to a vastly improved relationship.

Shelley Sommerfeldt

In order to have an open, honest, and vulnerable relationship with our partner, we must be able to freely communicate in a healthy manner

Shelley Sommerfeldt


Quick Experts Tips:

  • Learn not to interrupt your partner when they are speaking.
  • Listen carefully and pay attention to what your spouse is saying.
  • Comment on what your partner says by using words such as how, where, when…
  • Understand and respect each other’s opinions and beliefs.
  • Instead of blaming your partner for something, use the word “I feel…”
  • Be open to your spouse about your needs.
  • Say romantic words to your partner regularly.
  • Use body language to help you communicate better with your spouse.

The bottom line

Healthy communication produces healthy relationships. Communication means almost everything in a relationship. you can avoid or resolve many conflicts, have a much happier relationship.

Don’t fall into the trap of taking things personally and making false assumptions if you simply communicate openly and honestly with your lovers, and make it clear that you expect the same in return at all times.

The tips mentioned above will help you to create a solid foundation for your relationship, and you can start implementing them TODAY!

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